Reasons Not To Hurt Yourself

Reasons Not To Hurt Yourself
by Cheryl Rainfield


  • Because you do not deserve to be hurt, not by anyone, not even yourself;

  • Because you deserve the same compassion, kindness, and love that everyone else does, and that you would give to a friend;

  • Because if you hurt yourself, you are repeating and reinforcing what your abusers or people who put you down told you, and none of that is true;

  • Because any relief you may get from hurting yourself is only fleeting and will not last, and because you will need to keep hurting yourself more frequently and worse to get that tiny bit of relief, and may end up doing permanent damage or may even inadvertently kill yourself;

  • Because you have already been through so much pain and do not need more pain added to that;

  • Because you have a voice and have a right to be heard;

  • Because you deserve to have compassion for yourself, the way others have it for you;

  • Because there are safer, gentler ways to find some relief and you deserve to find those ways;

  • Because even if you do not believe it, hurting yourself will hurt the people who truly love you;

  • Because you deserve to be treated gently and with love, not with hate;

  • Because you are not to blame for anything that happened to you as a child;

  • Because you will hurt your body and your body is not to blame for anything;

  • Because hurting yourself is abusing yourself, and you do not deserve to be abused;

  • Because it’s better and kinder to reach out to others and get support, or to find inner resources to rely on, rather than to add to your own hurt and torment;

  • Because one day you will see the beauty in yourself and know that you should be treated with care;

  • Because you are lovable and loved, and deserve to be treated with love; and

  • Because things will get better, and you will find more of what you need.

© 2011, Cheryl Rainfield. All rights reserved. Cheryl Rainfield, author of SCARS

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If you ever need support, don’t forget you can call, text, chat, or email support and crisis lines. I recommend RAINN, especially for survivors of rape and abuse, The Trevor Project for LGBTQ youth, and these other great support lines here: CrisisTextLine and
here: Do Something.

Drawing by Cheryl Rainfield, part of the Love Yourself affirmation cards


34 Responses to “Reasons Not To Hurt Yourself”

  1. tom Says:

    It sounds and looks like you are living in a perfect world. Mine is not I am happy for u

  2. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Tom, you sound angry? Of course I don’t live in a perfect world. I am an incest and ritual abuse survivor. I often go through memories and a lot of pain. And sometimes I still want to cut. But I know that it hurts me, and I try to find other ways of coping. What I wrote came from my heart, and from healing. If it doesn’t work for you, I’m sorry, and I hope you’ll find other things that help you.

  3. Christine Rose Says:

    This is a beautiful list, Cheryl. I’m going to bookmark it for the next time I’m in that situation. Hopefully it won’t be too soon, but this list certainly helps.

    Tom, you sound like you are in a lot of pain. I’ve been there before and, no doubt, I’ll be there again. I find listening to Eckhart Tolle read his book A New Earth helps calm me and stop me from piling on the unhappiness. Being unhappy about being in pain, etc. He helps people just be in the moment, accept it, and move on.

  4. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Christine, thank you so much! (hugging you) I so appreciate your taking the time to tell me, and I’m so glad you found it beautiful and helpful. I know I’m going to turn to the list, too, next time I get the urge.

    And Tom, I should have seen pain beneath the anger. I think Christine’s suggestions are really good. I also find that it helps a ton to be heard by someone, and to get a hug from a safe person….

  5. Lisa Says:

    I self harm. I am thankful people like you are posting things like this. I feel that you reached me with this post.

  6. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Oh, Lisa, I’m so glad my post reached you! Thank you for telling me. (hugging you) And I’m so sorry for your pain, that you need to self-harm. (I understand; I used to self-harm, too.) I hope so much that you find a way to keep yourself safe and not hurt yourself any more. I know it’s hard, though. But you don’t deserve to be hurt.

  7. Simon Hay Says:

    Cheryl, you are a beautiful person. Pain is universal, but so is love. It’s unfortunate that we hurt those closest to us, it’ sad that we harm ourselves. I believe healing starts when we change our thoughts. When we silence that voice that says we’re not worthy, the chance to be free of an abusive environment presents itself. Two of my daughters were abused by their mother, and my childhood and life has had moments of ‘this is too hard’, but all of us are braver, stronger, more forgiving and loving than we’re consciously aware of. It does get better. Sometimes we fall down, hurt ourselves and others, but we choose to get back up. Love and healing to you all.

  8. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Simon, thank you; that is so lovely of you to say. And I agree–both pain and love are universal. I also think that changing our thoughts is an important part of healing. I’m so sorry that two of your daughters were abused; that is so painful. And so sorry you had painful things in your childhood, too. But very glad that you’re out there, healing and helping others.

  9. C. Lee McKenzie Says:

    Perfect reasons, and I hope reason will prevail, so healing can start for those who read what you’ve posted.

    Just had a psychologist call me last week about my book on cutting/suicide. He said it had helped his family. I’m sending him this link for the granddaughter he wants to help.

  10. Barbie Says:

    I love this blog post sooo much, I can feel it personally, and it touches me in a way I cannot describe. Really bookmarking it for next time I feel like the pain is taking over me. Also, bookmarking for when I feel someone I know may be needing to hear words of comfort. Thank you sooo much for posting these, Cheryl. You’re a very strong woman 🙂

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  13. Jayci Says:

    Cheryl this post helped me so much. I cut but it’s because of people like you that I am finding other ways to cope with my situation. And everyone else that posted…thank you as well. Your stories have encouraged me to try little by little to change my life around. Thank you all so much.

  14. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Lee, that’s wonderful to hear that your book is reaching people and helping them, too!

    Barbie, I’m so glad this post touched you, and that you’ll remember to read it again next time things are hard. Good for you! And thank you for your kind words.

    Jayci, I’m so glad this post helped you! Thank you for letting me know. And I’m so very glad you’re finding other ways to deal with things; that takes a lot of strength.

  15. sarah Says:

    You think you survived the worse, but in reality you were wrong. It happened again, and you just don’t understand. You ask yourself why you, but you would never wish anything you went through opun another being. You delt with so much all your life, and as the years go by it all just keeps stacking. No matter how much you try to hide the truth with little white lies, the truth always comes out. All you wish for is that at some point there will be justice because you sure didn’t get it. Until then you have to keep your head up, and just try to keep moving forward in your life. it’s all you can do.

  16. Lynne Schmidt Says:

    This was an amazing post. Thank you for this.

  17. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    You’re very welcome, Lynne. (smiling at you) Thanks so much for the thanks; I appreciate it!

  18. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Sarah, I’m so sorry–I just saw your comment! I’m sorry that you’re in pain, sorry that hard things have happened to you. I hope things get better for you, soon. And they will get better!

  19. sean111 Says:

    This does not help at all.. I hate life in general and that isn’t gonna change can’t get a break.

  20. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Sean, I’m sorry you feel that way. I hear it’s hard. It can get better, though! Hang in there. I hope you have someone you can talk to.

  21. Amber Says:

    One of the hardest things for people in this situation seems to be believing that they “deserve to be love and cherished”. That they are worthy.

    I’ve watched people very close to me go through this. It CAN get better. I hope those reading this feeling things can’t change can one day be convinced of that.

    Thank you for trying to reach out, Cheryl.

  22. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Thank you, Amber. I think learning to love ourselves is key. It took me years to get there, but it really helped me stop cutting. But I needed others to love me to be able to learn to love myself….

    And you’re right–it can get better!

  23. From Torn 2 Peices 2 Peace Says:

    Thank you for this site. Many youth who are suffering from Parental Alienation Syndrome, which experts call “the worst form of child abuse” are engaging in self-harm.

  24. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    All child abuse is terrible and leaves devastating effects. And I believe that everyone who is self-harming or has in the past, has too much pain to hold. They need help and support to deal with it.

  25. Katherine Cherry Says:

    One of my daughters has self-identified as cutting in very infrequent protected-speech-facebook-pm. I have not seen my two daughters in seven years… my trafficker, their perp, awarded custody. From a distance my daughters appear to happy, and not at all interested in their absent mother.

  26. Katherine Cherry Says:

    PA (parent alienation) is sufficient to promote self harm, though no one wants to address the mass corruption in family courts, and the aftermath it creates.

  27. Anne Morin Says:

    Hello Cheryl,
    Your a fantastic and courageous woman. I wonder if you find some kind of ”peace when you write. As for me I’M trying to keep a journal , but writing about difficult experiences and going back into those memories makes me fell worst.I have nightmares… Any advices. I’m in therapy. Love to ear from you. In sisterhood . Anne Morin (friend of Jo-Anne Beggs)

  28. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Hi Anne (smiling at you), Thank you for your kind words. I think it can help, getting out painful emotions and memories in writing, art, or some kind of safe expression. It can bring up more, though, like you said…but I think it’s better than locking it down and having it come out sideways (at least, it is for me). BUT I also think it’s really important to have support when things come up–so I’m very glad to hear that you have a therapist. It’s so important to have support! I also think it’s a good idea to listen to your gut and yourself. It’s okay (and is important) to take breaks from hard things, to take time to just relax or distract or do something fun or feel good. I try to take breaks when what I’m writing is too hard to stay with. Sometimes I need long breaks (weeks or months at a time), and sometimes just a day or hours. My favorite way to distract and take a break is reading a good book, or watching a good movie, or talking with a friend. I hope those things help you, too.

  29. Cheryl Rainfield Says:

    Katherine, that sounds very painful. I’m sorry you and your daughter have been through that. I hope you all find healing and support.

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