About Me
Books helped me survive my childhood of abuse, trauma, and torture. I am a nonbinary lesbian author (they/she pronouns), and I write the books I needed as a teen and couldn’t find. I write both edgy, suspenseful fiction and fantasy books for teens. (Adults are welcome to read them, too; many do!)
My fantasy books often hold hope that I need, and feel others might need, too, while my realistic fiction is gritty, intense, and emotional. All of my books have fragments of the abuse I experienced. I write about some of the harsh things teens go through…things that I think shouldn’t be hidden. But I also write about healing, hope, and love, and finding courage and strength.
In SCARS (WestSide, 2010), Kendra must face her past and stop hurting herself before it’s too late. It’s my arm on the cover. There’s a lot of me in SCARS; like my main character, Kendra, I am an incest survivor, I used self-harm to cope, and I”m queer. In my teen paranormal fantasy/dystopian, HUNTED (WestSide, Oct 2011), Caitlyn is a telepath in a world where that is illegal, and she must choose between saving herself or saving the world. Like Caitlyn, I know what it’s like to have my life threatened, to face oppression, to experience torture, and to break free from cult or from a group of oppressors. And I know what it’s like to have to decide between hiding my true self or being who I am, even if that means danger to myself. I drew on my experience with cults and ritual abuse in creating the world that Caitlyn lives in.
In STAINED (A Bank Street College Best Book of the Year (2014), Sarah thinks she knows what fear is–until she’s abducted and must find a way to rescue herself. Like Sarah, I was often imprisoned for long periods of time as a child, had my life threatened, and had to rely on my own strength to survive.
Books were my survival during my childhood, and my journey into myself. Books give me hope. I hope mine will give you hope, too, or something that you need.
I’m writing a report on you. I need to know….
I was born in Toronto, ON on Aug 19, 1972. I grew up being abused and tortured–I am an incest and cult survivor–and part of what helped me survive was reading books, writing, and creating art. I also used self-harm to cope, like Kendra did in SCARS, and during the abuse and torture I dissociated and split off from myself to survive. Some things that helped me get safe were remembering the abuse; getting a good therapist; running away from my abusers; reading books that helped me know I wasn’t alone; getting my emotions out in safe ways instead of hurting myself; and connecting with good people and creating my own chosen family of friends.
I am a nonbinary lesbian, use they/she pronouns, and I still love to read, write, and create art. I’m also an introvert.
Some of my favorite books as a teen were (and still are some of my favorites today): Tamora Pierce’s The Song of the Lioness and The Immortals series; Down a Dark Hall by Lois Duncan; The Third Eye by Lois Duncan; Dicey’s Song by Cynthia Voigt; The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis; A Wrinkle In Time by Madeline L’Engle; Anne of Green Gables by L M Montgomery; The Forgotten Door by Alexander Key; Girl of the Limberlost by Gene Stratton-Porter; and most of the books by Dick Francis (I could identify with them).
Why I Write
I write books because they give me a voice that I never had growing up, and because my books I can bring greater compassion, empathy, and healing to others while entertaining them. I write the books I needed but couldn’t find as a teen–books that I hope will help others now.
I write realistic fiction because it helped me know I wasn’t alone, and I want others to know that they are not alone, too, and that things can get better. I hope that a teen may hand someone one of my books and say, “Read this. This is what it’s like for me,” and maybe that person will give them greater understanding or compassion.
I write fantasy because I love reading it, and I think that fantasy can sometimes help people hear something that they might otherwise not. I infuse my fantasy novels with oppression and healing because those are things I need to write about, and I hope it will help others. And I write for myself. I write because I need to, and because I love to.
I write the things I needed as a teen and couldn’t find. I felt so alone and in so much pain as a child and a teen; I often didn’t want to be here. I kept searching for something that would tell me I wasn’t alone in the abuse and torture I was enduring, something that would tell me I wasn’t crazy, something that would tell me I wasn’t alone in being queer, too. I never found enough of what I needed. And that’s a big part of why I write the books I do.
I write for those people who’ve been through the same and similar experiences I’ve been through, to tell them you’re not alone, there is hope, you can get through this. And I write to help other people understand what it’s like, to increase compassion. And always, I write to move people, to touch hearts, to reach others.
I always try to write from my heart, whether I’m writing fantasy or realistic fiction. I write emotional truths.
Children’s author Barbara Greenwood speaks beautifully about why authors need honesty in our writing:
“Children read to learn what might happen to them next. As writers, we have an obligation to be honest in our writing. We’ve lived longer, had more thoughts about our experiences; we know what life is like. We need to be as honest as we can about our experiences. We do children a disservice if we present life in a sentimental light. We need to be completely honest, as long as we use common sense about the type of experiences that are suitable to the readers’ ages.
Children want to know what might happen next. A story is a safe place for them to experience dangerous situations. When a child reader finds him/herself in a real-life dangerous situation, they can remember the lesson they learned from the book.”
–Barbara Greenwood
This quote from Bill Barich also speaks to me:
“A good writer refuses to be socialized. He insists on his own version of things, his own consciousness. And by doing so he draws the reader’s eye from its usual groove into a new way of seeing.”
–Bill Barich
FAQ, Author Bio, & More
I’m writing a report on you. I need to know….
I was born in Toronto, ON on Aug 19, 1972. I grew up being abused and tortured–I am an incest and cult survivor–and part of what helped me survive was reading books, writing, and creating art. I also used self-harm to cope, like Kendra did in SCARS, and during the abuse and torture I dissociated and split off from myself to survive. Some things that helped me get safe were remembering the abuse; getting a good therapist; running away from my abusers; reading books that helped me know I wasn’t alone; getting my emotions out in safe ways instead of hurting myself; and connecting with good people and creating my own chosen family of friends.
I am a nonbinary lesbian, use they/she pronouns, and I still love to read, write, and create art. I’m also an introvert.
Some of my favorite books as a teen were (and still are some of my favorites today): Down a Dark Hall by Lois Duncan; The Third Eye by Lois Duncan; Dicey’s Song by Cynthia Voigt; The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis; A Wrinkle In Time by Madeline L’Engle; Anne of Green Gables by L M Montgomery; The Forgotten Door by Alexander Key; Girl of the Limberlost by Gene Stratton-Porter; and most of the books by Dick Francis (I could identify with them).
Why did you write SCARS? Is it a true story?
I wrote SCARS because it was a book I needed as a teen (and still need). When I was a teen, I used self-harm to cope with the pain of the incest and ritual abuse I’d endured. I was also (and still am) queer. No one seemed to talk about those things, especially self-harm. When you’re alone in your pain, it makes the pain so much worse. I wanted people who’d been through these things to know that they’re not alone, that there is hope, and that things can and do get better.
People often judge self-harm harshly (and also being queer); there’s a lot of prejudice around it. So I also wanted to help people who’d never had those experiences (self-harm, sexual abuse, being queer) to gain more insight and compassion through story.
And both of my goals have come true.
SCARS is fiction. But I wove a lot of my own experiences and emotional truths in to the fiction. Like Kendra, I’m a sexual abuse survivor, I’m queer, and I used self-harm to cope. And like Kendra, I have a wonderful therapist, and I use art (and writing) to heal. And, like Kendra, I was taught to cut myself, though I may have turned to cutting without that. Being taught to cut to silence oneself from speaking about abuse is something that happens within ritual abuse, though it’s not likely that it happens outside of that.
I heard it’s your arm on the cover of SCARS. Is that true?
Yes, it is. That’s my own arm on the cover. It feels good to me–another breaking of silence. I think it’s tastefully done, and it helps people to know what the book is about right away.
I want you to write a sequel to SCARS! Are you going to?
Yes! I’ve written a sequel to SCARS, and am currently revising it (as well as other books). Meanwhile, I also have a 38-page free SCARS story that takes place just after SCARS ends that you can only get by signing up for my author newsletter.
Do you create art like Kendra does in SCARS? What mediums do you use? Can I see some of your art?
Yes, I create art. I love working with pencil, pen and ink, colored pencil, marker, wax, clay, and acrylic. You can see some of my drawings, even one that I mention in SCARS, here.
A lot of the art I created over the years was my “abuse art”–art that either got out abuse memories graphically or emotionally. But I did create some more positive art as I grew happier. I also created some positive, encouraging Affirmation Cards.
I cut (or burn), too. How did you stop? How can I stop?
Stopping cutting can be hard; it’s definitely a process. One of the things that helped me the most was learning to love myself–truly love myself. When I started to love myself more, I didn’t want to cut as much. It also helped to really believe, understand, *know* that I didn’t deserve to be hurt, no matter what, not by anyone–not even myself. I hope you know that! I also found it invaluable (and very needed) to have a good therapist, someone I could really talk to who would understand me and care about me. Listen with compassion….
Some other, more concrete things that help with stopping cutting are:
- Get out the emotion. Dance it out, draw it out, write it out. If you’re angry, throw eggs in a bathtub (my personal favorite), go for a run, punch a pillow, scream into a pillow (no one can hear you that way). If you’re sad, cry, wail, get it out.
- Find ways to soothe yourself. Ask for a hug, hold a pillow, drink hot chocolate, whatever works.
- Talk it out with someone who will really listen to you, who will care.
- Distract any safe way you can. Watch a movie, read a book.
- Talk yourself through it the way you would for a friend. Give yourself the same love, compassion, and positive messages that you would a friend.
Also check out these tips I wrote on dealing with self-harm:
Start here. This is something I wrote because I needed it, and because so many of us needed it. I think it helps:
Helpful Responses To Someone Who’s Self-Harmed
What To Do When You Feel Like Hurting Yourself (long)
You may also be interested in Self-Harm Is NOT Trendy where I talk about some of the negative effects of self-harm.
If you think you’re going to cut or you’re in crisis, please talk to a therapist or a counselor, or call, email, or text a crisis line, such as RAINN or other crisis lines. You can find more here:
and
I hope you’ll contact them if you need to; they can be a good form of support.
Also check out these tips I wrote on dealing with self-harm:
Helpful Responses To Someone Who’s Self-Harmed
What To Do When You Feel Like Hurting Yourself (long)
You may also be interested in Self-Harm Is NOT Trendy where I talk about some of the negative effects of self-harm.
If you think you’re going to cut or you’re in crisis, please talk to a therapist or a counselor, or call, email, or text a crisis line, such as RAINN or other crisis lines. You can find more here:
and
I hope you’ll contact them if you need to; they can be a good form of support.
Will there be a sequel to HUNTED?
I plan to have a sequel–I’m just not sure when. I’ve written a first draft, but I usually go through multiple edits. And since my first publisher (who published Hunted) closed its doors, and Hunted didn’t reach a lot of people in the US, I found it disheartening. I do want to get a sequel out there–I just don’t know when yet. I’ve temporarily put it on the back burner. I have, however, been writing some HUNTED world books that are in various stages of drafts. I’m glad you care about it!
Are you coming out with any other books?
Yes. I am always writing. I’ve written a sequel to SCARS; a YA suspense that deals with DID and cult abuse; a bookish, queer YA fantasy; multiple standalone books in my HUNTED world. I’m also rewriting my self-published novel Parallel Visions to make it first-person queer and longer. My fantastic literary agent – Jennifer Wills of Seymour Agency – has two of my manuscripts out with editors.
How many books have you written?
I think this question often really means how many books have I had published. I’ve had 6 of my books published for teens: SCARS (edgy realistic), STAINED (also edgy realistic, out Oct 1 2013), HUNTED (paranormal fantasy), Parallel Visions (also paranormal fantasy, and two hi-lo (high interest, low vocabulary) fantasies–Dragon Speaker: The Last Dragon and SkinWalkers: Walking Both Sides. Parallel Visions is my first self-published book (available in both print and ebook).
I drew on many of my trauma and abuse experiences to write all my books, but especially SCARS, STAINED, HUNTED, and Parallel Visions. I always have strong girl characters in my books (and strong boys, too), and a queer character, whether they are the main character, a secondary character, or sometimes a walk-on character.
I’ve written more books that haven’t yet been published. And I’m always working on new books. I’ve written part of the sequel to HUNTED, part of the sequel to Parallel Visions, and am also working on two more edgy realistic suspense novels.
Why do you write for teens?
I write for teens because I love reading teen books–I think they’re full of emotion and depth, can deal with heavy issues that aren’t always talked about, and usually don’t have long, boring passages of description that stop the story. I also write for teens because that’s where my voice is–it’s what feels right to me. I have a lot of emotion, I vividly remember being a teen and how much pain I was in, the struggles I had, and I need to talk about painful issues (to help others and to help myself). AND I also write for teens because I want to let them know they’re not alone, it can get better, there really is hope and healing, and safety can come.
Where can I buy your books? Are all your books available as ebooks?
Many bookstores have my books; if they don’t, you can always request that they get them in. You can also order my books online through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, The Book Depository, Powell’s, and many, many other venues.
Only some of my books are available as ebooks. SCARS was but since the publisher went under it isn’t currently, but STAINED is. HUNTED may be at some point.
SCARS is also available as an audiobook on Libro.fm where your purchase also supports any indie bookstore you choose, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, Amazon.com Audible and CD, Amazon.ca Audible and CD, Amazon.co.uk Audible and CD, Audible US, Audible Canada, Audiobooks Now, and more.
I want to write. Do you have any advice for me?
Write what you care about, what moves you. Get feedback–a lot of it–especially from critique groups. It helps to join a critique group to get feedback from other writers. Read as much as you can–it feeds your soul and your creativity, and will help you always learn more about what makes a good story work. Read about writing technique, even if you think you don’t need it. It can help a lot. I recommend some great books on writing technique here.
If you really want to get published, don’t give up. It took me more than ten years to get SCARS published, and more than 30 revisions in that period. (I was also working on other books in that time.) It can feel painful to get rejections, but if you believe in your work, hang on and keep sending it out.
How do I write a good query letter?
For a good query letter, make sure that:
- it’s personalized to the editor you’re submitting it to (get their name right, and the spelling);
- your first sentence and paragraph are a hook–grabbing the reader’s attention, interesting, and all about your story;
- it’s not more than one page.
In a good query letter, it helps to have a one-sentence summary of what your book is about, a longer summary (a paragraph or so) of what your book is about, any writing credits. If you belong to any professional writer organizations, such as SCBWI or CANSCAIP, list them. Make sure you research the editor or agent you’re querying; you waste a lot of time if you query agents or editors/publishing houses who don’t seem like a good fit for your book.
I link to a TON of great articles on how to write a query letter; you can see them here. Check some of them out; they go into detail about how to write a great query letter. Good luck!
Love my books? Here is how you can help!
Do you love my books? Do you want to read even more books by me? Here’s how you can help me (and other authors you love):
Buy a copy of our books. Publishers look at sales when they’re considering publishing a new book by an author. If the previous books don’t have good sales, another book by the same author might not get published.
If you can’t afford a copy, then please request it at your local library. Most librarians are happy to order in books that readers request.
Post a review–it doesn’t have to be long, even a sentence or two–on Amazon, especially, and also B&N;, GoodReads, etc. Reviews help other readers find the book. This is one of the most helpful things you can do, and authors really appreciate it.
Post your review on social media: your blog, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. This again helps other readers find the book.
Post a photo of the book, or the book and you, a book and your pet, etc. to social media. This also helps get more reader interest.
Recommend it to your friends. I know I love hearing about books my friends have enjoyed, and your friends likely do, too.
Request a copy at your local library.If there are a lot of requests for a book, a library may order more. Or, if there haven’t been any previous requests, they may order a copy.
Recommend it to a book club.If you or a friend is reading in that genre, why not let others know about it?
Ask your local bookstore where the book is located. This may help to gain more bookstore interest in the book.
Add it to your to-read or other lists on GoodReads.You may help someone else discover a book they’d like to read.
Re-post an author’s book tweets, posts on Facebook or Instagram or other social media.If you like a tweet or post, it helps to re-post it; many more people will see it and perhaps look up the book.
If you especially love my books, sign up for my newsletter or join my street team (where you can sometimes win prizes, hear news first, read a free short story, and more.
If you do any of that, know you have my deep appreciation and thanks.
Contact & Rights
I love hearing from readers! You can contact me at Cheryl (at) CherylRainfield.com as well as on social media:
Sometimes I’m able to respond quickly, and sometimes it may take me a week, or if I’m on deadline or very busy, even a month. If you don’t hear from me, message me again.
My wonderful literary agent is Jennifer Wills at Seymour Agency. Writers, you can find Jennifer Wills on Twitter, and for queries make sure to use her query email.
My awesome publicist and team are Books Forward (previously known as JKS Communications).
