I think I just had my first truly good birthday! And an incredible birthday party/Monica Hughes Award celebration with many people who care about me. Birthdays, and the time leading up to them (and for a while after) are usually pretty rough. In cult, “birthday” is “death day” with extreme repeated torture and threats of murder/death (etc), and it happened for me for much of my life. So I did have fear and sadness and tiny bits of despair today, but I moved through those to happiness and contentment and good feeling.
It felt SO good to:
1) wake up to Petal snuggled beside me
2) find right after so many lovely birthday wishes on FaceBook, Twitter, and email
3) have my neighbor and her daughter give me a cake, flowers, and sign happy birthday to me, and then play with Petal
4) have a lovely, warm, kind post by Julie Powers Schoerke reminding me that I put good into the world and am kind
5) have a lovely, fun birthday party hosted by Lena Coakley with SO many writers and friends who I care about–and to hear them laugh with the games we played, to feel their warmth and caring. I went through anxiety and fear even while parts of me were excited and glad, and then, finally, after happy birthday was sung, I was able to relax…and just feel good.
6) be able to say some of what I said here, at the party, and have it be okay and accepted (it always helps to be heard)
7) feel the caring, the warmth, the friendship
8) play with Petal.
It helps so much to have good, kind people around me, no abuse, and just…celebration, love, laughter, friendship, good feeling. I am so grateful for that all. So grateful to have had a good birthday. Thank you to everyone who sent me good wishes, and/or who was with me tonight. I’m still shocked…but in a good way…that it was a good day overall.
Very, very glad. 🙂
I forgot to take photos, but I think Lena took some, so there may be some photos to come. (Though I did post some photos of my little dog Petal today on Twitter and FB. 🙂 )